Gray:
by Bluejay92
Summary: No matter how hard I try to forget you, my heart will be sucked into the gray sky.   xx:Len:xx


.:~(Gray)~:.

..OoOoOoO..

I sat on the stairwell, staring at the door that had been closed moments earlier. The third time you'd left me without saying goodbye. I've been denying myself, making up excuses for the sake of my sanity. You're the thing that's keeps me going, and even that is beginning to fall apart. I don't know how I'll live without you.

I thought after the first time that I could change things. That I could fix everything between us and make it okay again. But every day it was exactly the same. Fighting, silence, unspoken thoughts exchanged. Masked pain and false smiles. Inevitable sorrow. In the end, deadwood is just deadwood.

No matter how hard I try to forget you, my heart will be sucked into the gray sky. I see you in everything I do. The sky matches my eyes. Blank, gray, unfeeling. No way to tell what's underneath. I go on every day, never seeing what's right in front of me. The only thing I ever really think about...is you.

I can't remember the last time I've seen your beautiful smile. The way your eyes sparkle, and your happiness is contagious. When I see you smile, I can't help but smile with you. Ever since you stopped smiling, I have too. My eyes used to be cerulean, a little deeper than yours. We used to smile together and think how much alike we were. Now, my eyes are dark and unreadable. It's hard to remember the way that you smiled.

You are an illusion in my dreams. A fantasy or a nightmare, I can't really tell anymore. The ghost of my happiness, my love, of me. The way I used to be.

..OoOoOoOoO..

I stood at the door, watching you walk away with dead eyes. The fourth time you've gone without saying goodbye. The fourth time a little piece of me has broken inside as I watched you helplessly from the outside. The fourth time I've hidden it all behind a dark mask.

I was sick of dying inside. I was sick of pain and sorrow and memories. I chucked it all into the hidden room in my apartment. Photos, gifts, memories of you. I felt a slight flame of anger burn inside me as I tossed them, one by one. All of it. No emotion spread across my lifeless face. All trapped inside, tearing me apart. In the end, wreckage is just wreckage.

Even if I love someone else someday, my heart will be sucked into the gray sky. Anything with any other would not be love. It would be meaningless circles carefully routed around my memories, ignoring the pain, ignoring the hurt. I could never love any other with my love for you still burning inside me, even after all you've done. Even with all the wreckage inside my heart where my feelings used to be.

My eyes are about to lose light. I see nothing more in life. The light that used to fill my eyes has diminished to a dull glow, barely there. Nothing left. The flames of love and hatred burning in my soul. Nothing but smoke in my eyes. Everything I see is gray.

It's icy without you. The heat in my heart that used to belong to you had diminished to a dull warmth. I have nothing left with me of you. Yet I hold myself like always, still no emotion in my dead eyes.

Time passes quickly. I pay no mind to the passage of time. Minutes, hours, days, weeks. They mean nothing to me. No change occurs. I long for you as always, but seldom does the pain in my soul flit across my face. The days crawl by. It is soon tomorrow, then the next day, and I quickly lose track of the date. It no longer matters.

No matter how hard I try to forget you, my heart will be sucked into the gray sky. My heart is shattered. The remnants of it are devoted wholly to you, and can never return. My once lively eyes have been tainted by the deep pain, never to shine with love again. My regrets masked with a _façade_ of ignorance. Ignorance is bliss. If only I could return to the times of happiness I shared with you, and only you. You were mine, and I were yours.

I miss your beautiful smiles. The smiles that kept me going through the day. Your sincere, genuine, loving smiles that brought me such joy have been replaced by tight-lipped, plastered-on, masquerade smiles. How I miss your smiles. I can no longer remember how you were able to smile such wonderful smiles.

You are an illusion in my dreams. The beautiful angel that brings me such pain. The one that I loved so dearly.

I can no longer see the light through my dead eyes. The worlds is dead to me. Everything I see is gray.


End file.
